I wanted to write us the greatest love story of all time. But I am not great. I don’t remember to put your coffee up when you ask me to and I lie there when you’re curled into me and I try to forget. I wanted to write us love songs. But the only music … Continue reading Champagne Taste on a Beer Budget
What EDNOS Feels Like
Carbs. Carbs are good. Carbs will give you energy. Dairy is nutrition for baby cows. And you are not a baby cow.
Normal Weight Obesity
People post videos telling the world to hate me because I am fat. They shame me because I am not a size two but a size ten and they tell me no one will love me because I am not skinny.
Spoons
Cover the keypad. First paycheck. Watch the mirror.
Lies of Beauty
If you tell me I'm beautiful, will I believe you? Or will I look down at the rolls of fat that make up the thing that is me And shake my head And wonder how you can lie like that. It's not because I don't trust you. Because of course I do. I guess it's … Continue reading Lies of Beauty
Sink
There are no dishes in my sink Just mounds And mounds Of mold From food I didn’t eat. Soups I poured Down my kitchen sink In the hope that If the soup went away I wouldn’t have to deal With food. There are no dishes in my sink. Just hopes of getting better Of futures … Continue reading Sink
Dementors
It’s just a dementor I tell myself As I lay in bed Dying Every breath sucked out of me By a soulless creature Who doesn’t care He’s killing me. It’s just a dementor I tell myself And you’ve already had chocolate today Those fears are going to go away But I lay in bed My … Continue reading Dementors
34 Street/Penn Station
Most days I feel like I'm on a subway in New York City. Every so often the lights flicker out. And I'm stuck with strangers in the darkness. Nothing feels more alone than being with twenty or so other adults who don't know you and don't care about you and don't want to see whether … Continue reading 34 Street/Penn Station
The Last Day I Cried
Sometimes I keep a countdown from the last time I cried. Before this morning, I hadn’t cried in two days. But when I woke, I cried. Most of me doesn’t want to count it as a part of my crying countdown, though, because I cried happy tears instead of sad/depressed/anxious tears. The other part of … Continue reading The Last Day I Cried
Opiates
The first thing you told me was of the heroin. Well, you said it was “opiates”. But I’m not stupid. I know it was heroin. You told me you lived in Jacksonville, Florida. Who the hell does anything but heroin in Jacksonville, Florida? You told me it kept you young. And that’s how, at thirty … Continue reading Opiates
