Imagined Q&A: Weird questions I get about being asexual

In honor of Asexuality Awareness Week, here’s a Q&A I made up, but to be honest, I’ve answered these questions (for real, not in my head, to actual humans) way more times than I thought I ever would need to.

Q: Wait. You’re an amoeba?
A: Nope! I cannot procreate with myself, thank goodness. I’m a regular human being who isn’t sexually attracted to other human beings.

Q: So why on earth would you date anyone?
A: Shockingly enough, many people don’t date just to have sex! I love my partner and I enjoy romantic connection. Romantic attraction and sexual attraction are two different things.

Q: I don’t understand what that means. What is the difference between the two?
A: You know the people you’d hook up with, but would never want to date? That’s sexual attraction without romantic attraction. You know how you love your friends without wanting to have sex with them, or get romantically involved with them? That’s platonic attraction (without romantic or sexual attraction). You know how you think roses are beautiful, but you don’t want to have sex with them? That’s aesthetic attraction (without sexual attraction). There are so many layers to attraction. I experience a lot of them. I just don’t experience sexual attraction.

Q: …Why not? What’s wrong with you?
A: There’s nothing wrong with me. I’m a regular ol’ human being. However, maybe ask yourself that question, because asking that of another human being is kinda rude, don’t you think?

Q: So do you masturbate?
A: Wanna ask me more questions that are generally inappropriate to ask anyone? Because I’m always in the mood to snap at people who don’t respect basic boundaries.

Q: Okay. I’ll ask a question not directed towards you specifically. Do asexual people have sex?
A: That depends on the person. Some asexual people are repulsed by sex. This could be connected to their asexuality, or it could not be. Some asexual people have sex with specific genders, some asexual people don’t care about gender, some asexual people don’t have sex at all, some asexual people love sex because they find it to be a fun physical activity (or whatever other reason).

Q: I’m dating someone who told me they are asexual. What do I do? I’m not asexual, and I want to have sex with them.
A: i’d advise the same way I’d advise anyone dating a person of any sexual orientation: Talk about it! If you’re not talking about sex with the person you intend to have sex with, you shouldn’t be having sex with them. Consent is awesome, necessary, and a requirement. And talking about what you want with the person you’re dating is probably a good thing to do, on all levels. Because. You know. Communication. You should try it sometime.


© Chapin Langenheim, 2019

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